I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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