you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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