in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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