When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
