Define "chronic" masturbator.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
