summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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