Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
