oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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