I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
