There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize