Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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