I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
