guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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