I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
