Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
