We're like a lot better than the average bears
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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