fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
