She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
