dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
