Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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