haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
