An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
