Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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