Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
