Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
