Walk of Shame. In a state park.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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