my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
