lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
