Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
