You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
