i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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