He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
