He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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