Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
