Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
