Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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