my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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