At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
