Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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