I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
