that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
