new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
