Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
