Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
