Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
