so that wasnt chicken after all
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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