Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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