just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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