youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
