i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize