Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
