I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think people are normalizing furries
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize