don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
