It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
