if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
