if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
