Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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