every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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