I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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