i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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