she looked like the bat from fern gully.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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