Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
