I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
