You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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