can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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