I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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