My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
